In Christ Alone

As many of you already know, these past few weeks have been CRAZY!

We moved home to Missoula, MT a few days before Easter and Mike is officially out of the Army as of May 13th!

We had two busy weeks to try to settle in, and then left for a two week trip with my parents and little sister to the coast! (Pictures to come!) We hit Seattle, the Oregon coast and northern California, then back up through Portland. I was able to end the trip by attending a Beth Moore conference in Spokane, WA with my Mom, Aunt anId Grandma. (More to come about that!)
We got home Saturday night and had Sunday to prepare to leave again Monday morning for Libby, MT and visit my grandparents.

It has been fun to see the sights and visit family, but I am so ready to be home. And I really missed my babies since they didn't come to the coast with us. Two weeks away from them is too long!

But now begins a scary dose of reality.
We are currently living in my parents house but have no clue what we are doing now. We thought we had a plan, and then Mike actually got out and we are just not sure anymore. Every decision feels so permanent, and it is simply terrifying and extremely stressful. I know that God will provide and I have felt pretty at peace, but the past few days I have just had too much time to think about it all!
This upcoming week we are facing Mike applying to the University and us both finding jobs. Then Mike will have to make a decision on what he will major in, which has been no minor task! Finally, we need to find a place to live, because as much as I seriously love my family, we need our own place. However we would like to buy, not rent. Which brings it's own whole set of problems. So prayers would REALLY be appreciated as we are sitting at so many major decisions right now.

But what I REALLY have had rolling around in my head and wanted to write is what happened the past weekend.

The past two-three months I have been feeling so far from God. My prayer life slowly went out the window and I hadn't been doing devotions anymore. Resentment and frustration had begin to creep in and turn my heart cold.
My relationship with God had gone from something real to "what can I do to make Him give me what I want?". Everything revolving around my relationship was "maybe if I do this, He will give me a baby". God and our relationship was no longer number one, and the worst part is I didn't even realize what had happened. 

Having a baby had become my idol.

I almost didn't go to Beth Moore.
We arrived to my Grandma's house a few hours before my Aunt was coming to pick us all up. I was exhausted from our trip and all I wanted to do was take a shower and catch up on Hulu before taking an early bedtime.
However I knew how disappointed my Mom would be, and I couldn't waste $70.

But watching the video waiting for worship to start, I was in tears. It just spoke to me.
And then once the worship team took the stage, the Holy Spirit felt so thick. It was such an amazing feeling that had been several months since I felt.

Beth's speaking was good, however I just so desperately needed to feel God again through my heartache and give it all to Him. For me, the weekend was really more getting that relationship back on track.

Then came Sunday's sermon.
You know how sometimes when you are going through something and everything you hear seems to be God whispering (or screaming)? Yeah.
It was seriously so amazing, that here is the link for you to go watch yourself, if you feel so inclined.

I feel refreshed.
It is still so tempting to let my fertility take charge of my life, to try to earn my desires instead of focusing on and trusting God's plan, and to let my fertility become an idol.
But my prayer is for God to give me the faith and strength I need to focus on my relationship with Him above all else.